Home at last ....

Sunday 8^th December.

Finally home, and with time to sit and breathe! It’s been a hectic couple of days since I last wrote! My tune up with Arlene went well. We redid all the electrodes and moved them up. I still find it hard to pick a “comfortably loud” level and suspect I am perhaps being over cautious, but I’d rather do that than set them too high and suffer and not want to wear the CI.

When it was switched on, we then chatted for a bit and she would turn them all up a few times. She played warbles from a machine and based on which ones sounded loud, and how loud turned them up a few more times. Based on descriptions of sound she adjusted some of the lower ones up more, and some of the high ones down a bit. We talked about “S” and “P” and she said they usually just use the “S” program now and not the “P”. They won’t put a loop on yet so I have just two programs – one is normal and the other is the same with Optima on to try and see if it sounds the same or not and how the battery life alters. I've not put that one on yet though I need to get round to trying it.

She gave me (I think) 20% on volume so I have some room to play, and in any case I am back a week tomorrow for the last map before Christmas, so it’s quite good spacing I think. I’d hate to wait a full month at the moment.

By the time I left the office, I was hearing some background sounds – like the fan which I hadn’t heard before. Her voice was clearly a voice with speech shapes but robotic and not normal, but far better than when I arrived I think.

I spent the rest of Friday travelling – taxi / train / train / bus / plane and finally landed in Kirkwall to snow and Ice at 8pm!!

I didn't really make much sense of stuff that day – far too much background noise and nothing familiar. I could hear the train as well as the people talking behind me. I heard the announcements on the train quite clearly, and also announcements in the airport – by clearly I mean I could the speech but not understand it.

Oh I forgot – before I left the centre I had to do the computer tests again. I  got 91% in the speech and lipreading – but most of that was lipreading!! I got 31% in the speech only (no lipreading) it was mostly the first and last bits and random words – but that was almost as good as I got before the CI – though as ever it’s not reflected in the real world!!

I did some extra tests I had never done before – environmental sounds (I thought classical music was a car engine- oops!), some with vowels in the middle on a touch screen, and some forced choice with different syllables. The vowels were pretty rubbish – so many of them sound the same. The syllables were easy – the environmental sounds quite mixed.

I arrived home at 10.30 a.m after a 3 hr boat ride – yuck. I was tired but had an hour before we had to be at the school for the Xmas fayre! It was a whirlwind of everyone wanting to see the implant, and talk to me – I’m so glad that people are sounding robotic but speech like as I could chat to them all as well as I could before the op I think. No chance of comprehension with them without lipreading in an open set fashion of course, but I am doing well with months of the year with Stephen – and with Ned - I even realised when he tried to trick me by saying "bum" instead! J

The xmas fayre was fine – noisy, confusing, tiring, but with lipreading I did OK. I got home at 4.30 to find an invite to an Xmas party that night! I was tired, but decided to go anyway as I knew Stephen wanted to go, so I figured we would do an hour or two and then head home. We got there at 8pm and left at 2am! The CI is great for making people aware, and more careful about their communication. I'm also less bothered to admit I didn't follow and get people to repeat, and I ended up having quite long conversations with a couple of people I've not spoken to before much, simply because they were more aware and I was less self-conscious!

One thing I did learn, which surprised me – apparently before the op I was very quietly spoken!! And now I am much louder – I kept both being too loud (and being told to stop shouting!) or too quiet and no-one can hear me!! That will I hope resolve itself, but I must keep asking people to let me know if I am too quiet or loud so I can get it right. I do not want to be someone that shouts all the time and is embarrassing!!

Plan for today is to squeeze a bit of listening practice in with a few of the kids, and Kate has already offered to do ½ hr a day with me in the office which will be fantastic! However I am currently in silence - bar the ever present Christmas tinnitus of course as I've managed to let all three batteries go flat at once (!) In my defence I was out all day yesterday, not getting home till 2a.m -but I need to get a bit more sorted at getting a routine in place. Here's hoping they charge nice and quickly!!

Storms and practice ...

Thursday 5^th December.

What a morning!! Pause for a second while I marvel at how tuneful the keyboard is whilst I am typing. The keys don’t all sound the same, they make slightly different pitches!!

So I got up at 7am again to head back to Kilmarnock to stay for the rest of today and tomorrow morning before the flight home Friday afternoon.

First indication of problems were the torrential rain and the bits of buildings (signs, loose bits) lying in the roads!! Got to the station and lots of trains were cancelled. The sign said there were gusts of up to 95 mph so many trains are cancelled. Kilmarnock at 8.12 was one of the few still running. So we wait, and the platform is announced. Go through and stand waiting as the train pulls in. The people on it start streaming out, and then all of a sudden the other people waiting to get on the train start leaving as well!! I hate it when that happens as I have no idea why! I follow everyone else and catch a train staff member – it turns out the station is being evacuated as the wind has broken some of the glass panes in the roof all over the station!

So we are herded out and I managed to snag a spot in the doorway instead of the rain. They think 15 minutes delay so I wait. Then a man says something else and a few people leave so I go to find out. They are advising people to find alternative methods of travel – arrgggh!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I headed to the bus station, only to find the buses were suspended! I ended up in a taxi - £50!! I arrived at 12pm – appointment was 9.30! Went straight to CI clinic to explain why I wasn't there and Arlene saw me anyway – how fab is that!

We just chatted today. She didn't want to change the electrodes today as it would be done again tomorrow, and it was done yesterday which is more than they normally do! I told her a bit about how things had been and she was more than happy. She gave me some more rehab material as Susan had asked her to give it me – it’s more kid friendly and fun so that the kids will enjoy doing the rehab with me which is good. I’ve not looked through it yet, but will do when I have finished this.

I asked about whether it was worth trying the “p” program as well, as I know some people much prefer one over the other and she will speak to Jo and maybe give me that to try tomorrow. 

I’ve just checked on the angel sounds and I can now hear ALL the tone notes, I can also hear all 16 pitches in the CI calibrator!!

I did some of the speech discrimination thumb prints at Level 3 (Same syllable number different consonant / vowel number) and got 100% at warm up, 29/30 on level 3.02. Level 3.03 had no sound so I skipped it(!) and then got 100% at level 3.04 (advanced) and 27/30 right at level 3.04 (expert) so I am more than happy with that!

I discovered that I can hear it fine without the headphones, just into the room – and at volume of 50% - that is mindboggling. With 2 hearing aids my computer is quiet at 100% volume – I could not do any of the listening exercises with hearing aids without headphones / t-link hookup!!!

I guess its true when they say you don't need as much volume with a CI!!

Anyway, it’s now 3pm and I am going to switch off and have a nap for a little bit. I am hear on my own so I will do more listening practice later, but I think I need to rest for a bit first as I am tired after all the morning’s trauma’s!!

So 10pm.  When I had a nap I decided to put the ipod on on speaker next to me so I could listen while I napped – figuring the brain will make sense anyway. I turned it down a bit and was surprised to find that I recognised songs, and not only that, I seemed to be hearing the music quietly like it used to sound underneath the louder sometimes robotic, sometimes normalish, sometimes warbly singing or certain instruments. I thought perhaps it was my brain infilling and thinking it rather than actually hearing, but after taking off the implant and it stopped a couple of times I figure it is my brain. It’s weird cos it’s quite quiet, and sort of just there.  I am so freaking impressed at what my brain can do  I tell you!!

I listened to music for a while; some songs don’t work – beautiful south and Gloria Estefan – nope. But then I switched off and napped properly for an hour – don’t want to overdo it!!

Woke up and had a cuppa and watched an episode of CSI and a bit of the news – but the telly was quite hard to hear voices with. Went and did a chapter of my audio book – much better, could even lose my place and find it again a few times – though I couldn't understand anything without reading it was easier than when I did it on Tuesday.

Did some more listening to music whilst reading, watched some more CSI – getting better all the time. Discovered I can hear the kettle switch off from the corridor – how amazing is that?? With two hearing aids I stood holding the kettle to feel it click off and now I can hear the click from the corridor?!!

Did some more Thumbprints – this was same initial consonant different vowel and that was much  harder .I  got around 50% right on the two warm up levels.  I also discovered that “OOOOOOO” was much quieter in volume than the other sounds. Most often got “AY” right but the rest were all mixed up.

Went back to Angel sounds for vowel detection. Got around 68% on levels 2 and 3 step 1 and I need 80%to move on – this is a really tricky bit for me right now.

Went back to the CI calibrator to check a theory and sure enough, am now detecting only 15 sounds, and some of them are way quieter than others – which suggested some of the electrodes need boosting. Good job I have a remap tomorrow!

I suspect I might end up frustrated over the next two weeks when I go home and have to wait for tune up’s the speed my brain is working! Hopefully they will give me some higher volume on subsequent programs so I can boost it in between appointments.

Delayed Rockstar....

Wednesday 4th December.

I headed back to Kilmarnock for a session with Susan. I explained how the rest of Tuesday had gone, and showed her the notebook I had jotted down sounds, listening practice etc. We hooked up and did a new map (I assume as we reset all the electrode levels!) And guess what? This time I could hear everyone of those electrodes!! As an actual sound – beeping over and over! We pushed them all up a fair bit, and I felt more confident at saying when it was a good level. I still erred on the side of caution, cautious that whole day of that sound level might be overwhelming. Then she switched it on – what a difference! There is still warbling with high sounds, but more of a robotic underlying – speech sounds more speech shaped, but not that clear and definitely robotic! We tested the volume level by her banging on the table and then slapping – both were loud but not wince in pain loud which Susan was happy with J

Then we did a little bit of rehab. We started with her saying one of three words, with diff syllables in – all right. We then tried one of 4 sentences – all right J we then did a sentence with a choice of two words – e.g fed / food. All similar sounding and I got pretty much all of those right – go me!! Then finally we tried some open set questions such as what is your name? Do you watch television? I had nothing to look at and no idea what they would be. I got some of them partly right and one completely right. It was a lot harder, but the fact that I even got parts of them right on day 2 (especially considering day 1!) was amazing! Perhaps I am having a delayed rock star moment!!

I asked about having a t program put on for headphones but they don’t really want me to use headphones yet – not entirely sure why blocking out environmental sounds for practice periods is bad but still! I am also still only on the “S” strategy. She gave me 20% more volume on the volume control in case I needed it. 

I headed back to Glasgow to meet Stephen and we spent the afternoon doing a bit of shopping and having some food. When there is any other noise I lose his voice – it’s not robotic – it’s not there! I think it’s because its familiar so the brain is focusing mainly on the new and unfamiliar to figure out what it is, which is why I hear so much warbling – that’s high sounds.

I didn't get to do any specific auditory practice that day, but we did go buy me a Kindle Fire HDX as a Christmas Pressie (which I am totally having early!) so I can use the immersion reading option. If you have both the kindle and the audible book it will play them both together and then highlight the words on the screen whilst reading – which will stop me getting lost and having to repeat the same bits over and over again!

We had a works award dinner that night. It is my worst nightmare with two hearing aids, never mind just one baby CI warbling ear! I stayed close to Stephen and our friend Clive who was also there. I managed to have a conversation with someone next to me reasonably OK (but my lipreading is super fantastic at the moment so that helped – but he did sound robotic and so I was getting some speech help from the CI – but overlaid with warbles from all the background noise).

By 10pm I was shattered so I left early and had an hour reading with no CI before sleep.

Switch on ....

Tuesday 3^rd December.

Well. It was not rock star – that’s for sure!! I had James from AB there as well as it was the first Naida they had programmed. I had the expected hearing test – and forgot to ask for my audiogram – will do tomorrow. Then we went through. They explained what would happen – which I already knew, and then we started. OH.MY.GOD. It was nothing like I expected. I thought it would be a bit like with a hearing test. You sit there, waiting, straining, and then you think maybe you heard something, so you tentatively press, and then you hear something louder and so on.

No. I didn't hear anything. I FELT some things. When quiet it was a tickle, when louder it was a double pulse that felt a bit odd and made me flinch, but not once did I hear a sound. I was very concerned thinking that I would be feeling all these weird pulsing’s all the time. But James said no, it wouldn't be like that.

When it was switched on I heard nothing!! They got some rattles and things and I could hear some very loud but nothing clear – more like a pulse. Nothing with speech. So then they turned it up and then I get sound!! I had said I was concerned about setting the levels too loud, as I know I am a volume junkie on my hearing aids, so they set them cautiously – probably not helped by me not being able to really hear anything!!

So then I got warbling!! When anyone spoke it sounded like someone was going up and down the keys of the piano! I never knew there was so much up and down in speech! It sounded nothing like speech, not robotic or Mickey Mouse, just warbling tones! I didn't hear any steady state background noise likes fans and things, but I could hear doors shut, the lock turn on the keypad, and OMG automatic doors – what a racket!!

I had a coffee (which is where we encountered the automatic doors!!) and then they went through the equipment with me. Bit miffed there was no funky backpack for me L

And that was it – however I have an appointment for 10am tomorrow, 9.30 on Thursday and then the planned remap at 9.30 on Friday. I had asked for listening therapy appointments as I was down for the week and I am glad that they have given them to me – given the weird sounds I have so far!!

So we left the clinic, grabbed our stuff and headed to the train to Glasgow. I could hear people speaking, the train brakes squealing, the tannoy on the train as warbling. Walking through Glasgow I would get bus brakes squealing, but no traffic or other noise.

We did a bit of shopping then back to the hotel and I sat and tried some sound practice. I did Angel sounds assessment and got 70% on the tone identification – some of the sounds I could hear no difference, some of them I could not hear at all. The rest of it (vowel and consonant identification) was a dead loss.

I tried the CI calibrator from Mike Marz and found I could not hear the first 9 electrodes at all. I think my low sounds need boosting.

I listened to my audio book – read by a woman, and I managed the first chapter by keeping pace with the pauses, but it was hard. I then did some speech tracking from AB. And the first one was read by a bloke and I realised that I could actually hear a bit of a robotic voice. It wasn't clear but it was definitely a voice as opposed to a warble! The next two were women and harder. I then tried a different audio book read by a bloke – and it was a voice again!

We went out to dinner, and on the way back I realised that Stephen had switched to a robotic voice!! It was definitely robotic, but it was speech and sounding much more normal. Cue much hassling to say months / days / numbers to try and decipher – with mixed success!!

The pub was noisy, but I could pick up music rhythm. Right now I can hear the keys typing, and they sound different. And Jesus – suitcases being wheeled down the street are REALLY noisy!!

Anyway, going to watch a DVD now and see how that sounds, but I am so pleased it is starting to change – shows my brain is working hard – even if it doesn't seem like it at times!

Reflections....

20^th November.

Two weeks today since the operation – two weeks yesterday until switch on – the mid point! I’ve been doing a lot of reading of people’s activations lately on the blogs I’ve been collating on the links page. I’m particularly drawn to the prelingually deaf ones, and most of them are not rockstar activations. Now I know this, but I think there is still a part of me that hopes that I will buck the trend. That the fact that I have exceptionally good speech, that I have good lipreading skills, that I work hard at anything I do will somehow make me different.

I’m wondering if anyone who is prelingually deaf had a rockstar activation??

This is what made the decision hard for me to get a CI. If I had been hearing all my life and then sudden deafness ? No brainer. Those that have sudden deafness must find it incredibly hard. They haven’t built up the skills that those of us born deaf have to develop. The lipreading, the prolonged concentration, the ability to cope with the fact that when in a room full of friends you can still feel alone. In that situation whatever you get is better than what you have. And you have the knowledge that you statistically are more likely to do well.

For those that are born deaf, communicate mainly orally and then have a sudden drop that is really obvious, or for some reason can no longer wear hearing aids, it’s probably a bit easier. You know you might not do as well as a former hearing person, but you know that you can’t hear anything now so surely it’s going to be a bit better?

(Obviously for everyone there is the weighing up of the risks of surgery etc – I’m talking mainly about the possible results here).

For those like me though, I can’t help but think it’s harder. I’ve been deaf since birth, though my hearing was a lot better when I was younger. I’ve never really noticed the decline in my hearing in an overt fashion. It’s more like ….. did you ever play the game “what’s the time Mr Wolf?”? One person is at the front with their back to the rest. The kids all shout what’s the time Mr Wolf? And then move toward the front but when he turns round they have to freeze so he doesn’t catch them moving. Now as I write this I am thinking I’ve missed a bit of it – I’m sure there is something to do with it being dinner time and running, but that’s not the point! The point is my hearing in some ways is like the kids, moving when my back is turned, freezing so I can’t catch it when I look.

I don’t wake up and realise I can’t hear as well anymore. Instead I just started to find it harder and harder to cope in certain situations. I stopped using the phone to people other than certain family members and friends. I always paid with way more money than it could possibly cost to avoid having to try and understand the price (and had an overflowing  purse of change as a consequence!) I hated meeting new people and trying to do small talk. I stopped going to the cinema or watching anything without subtitles. I pretty much never listened to new music as without it being something I knew well it was just noise (needless to say I get plenty of ribbing about my music listening choices – predominately late 80’s / early 90’s – when I had better hearing, lots of time and smash hits magazine printed the lyrics!!)

However in the last 12 months or so it got worse again – but it was like the above – gradually, creeping so you didn’t really know why. I stopped wanting to go to places I’d  been a lot, with people I knew. I didn’t want to go to the heritage centre socials because it was noisy, echoey and I just couldn’t follow much. I didn’t enjoy the pub because unless I latched on to one of the two or three people I knew I could understand I wouldn’t really know what was going on. If I had to go to events I’d make sure I had a phone with me. It wouldn’t have a signal, but I could be on a game or something and pretend I was busy and that was why I was sat alone not talking. I’d even be finding myself tuned out / not following at home with a couple of friends round. The background music that hearing people seem to always need was just too much, and it got so tiring constantly asking for it to be turned down, only to have it creep up again.

Yet despite this, I was shocked when it actually reflected in a hearing test and they offered me the CI. So given the above you would think it was a no brainer right? Well it wasn’t. I was still in denial at how little I was hearing I think. I’d shrunk the situations I engaged in right down to mainly being with my family and with one or two friends. Work was very safe for me as I was never expected to make any calls and there are a maximum of 3 of us in the office – both of the others I know very well.  We never watch anything that’s not subtitled so that wasn’t a problem. My music I knew so that was fine, and I avoided anything else. Within those situations I was coping. 

So. Do I stick with what I know (and bear in mind I kept thinking they had made a mistake and I shouldn’t really be able to have one – despite the test results to the contrary!) or do I gamble? There are amazing stories of how people benefit. But I’m prelingually deaf. I might get months and months of beeps and bells and overwhelming noise and frustration. I would be worse than I was with what I know. In addition I would destroy the hearing I had so there was no going back. I don’t sign and nor do my family / close friends. I live in Orkney where there are pretty much no signing people or deaf clubs or anything like that to fall back on.

To be honest, after doing some research I think the appeal of something new was the main factor – and that is a pretty rubbish reason LOL! I was tired of doing hearing aids. I’d done them for 34 years. They were never going to get any better. The stories of people using phone’s and understanding in noise were the main appeal. That’s what I would really like to get out of it.

Right now, two weeks prior to activation, my overwhelming feelings are divided into two camps. The first is a big fear that I’m going to get the beeps and noises for months on end. That Christmas is not going to be a nice family time but a nightmare of noise and not understanding anything. That the temptation to put my hearing aid in – even though it’s my rubbish ear and its only one side and it’s not as good as two hearing aids, it is at least familiar – will be overwhelming. That my family will get frustrated at me when I can’t hear or understand. That it will ruin the two kids birthday’s we have coming up and that work will get annoyed that I can’t get up to full strength quick enough.

The other half is thinking that if I just work hard it will be fine. That I can tackle this like I can any academic subject. If I put my mind to something I work hard at it and I do well. (That doesn’t apply to practical things like art, music , DIY – which is more what hearing is I suppose so that’s a bit of a flaw!) but anyway, that’s where most of my focus is right now. I can’t afford to dwell on the other half of the feelings.  It’s too late now and it will be what it will be. We will all learn to cope, we have no other choice.

I’m researching as many listening / auditory verbal training resources as I can. I’ve found programs, apps, a few worksheets and some groups that give daily rehab exercises. I’ve downloaded some audiobooks that I have paper copies of. I’m trying to research headphones / Bluetooth links etc that will improve the quality of what I hear to start with.

And that gives me focus. It gives me familiarity. It gives me a sense that I am doing something to control this wild ride, that it is not just controlling me. I’ll set up a links page with the ones that I have found when I get a chance. And as the journey evolves I’ll no doubt review some of them and let you know which work the best for me.

Phew. Apologies for that ramble! And I will say that please remember this blog is my feelings and thoughts. It’s a reflection of how I see things and it may not be factual and it may not be true. I’m not trying to make out its easy for anyone to decide to have a CI – regardless of their history – more try and get across how it was for me – in case that helps anyone else in a similar situation, as I know that’s what I look for in a CI blog.

P.S. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit there is a tiny teeny percent of me that still hopes that I will walk out of the room understanding speech – even if it sounds funny, and that by the time I go back for my first mapping a few days later I will be wowing the world with how much I can hear. That by the time I go back for my one month or three month or six month mapping I’ll be like some sort of bionic superhero that can hear through walls and save the world J

Recovery ....

17th November

So how has it been since? Thursday was actually the best day in terms of energy levels / pain rather surprisingly! Friday / Saturday / Sunday I took painkillers every 4 hours and slept most of the day.

Monday I managed to function a bit more, and stretched the painkillers to 7 hours between.

Tuesday I had no painkillers till 7pm and no nap in the day J

Wednesday I woke up with a stinking head cold. I nipped to the doctors just to have a wound check and they took my temperature to be sure it wasn’t an infection – all fine.

Thursday  & Friday still feeling a bit under the weather – but mostly from the cold I think.

Saturday I felt reasonably OK. Still have a tickly throat and runny nose, but not been sneezing as much (don’t forget to sneeze with your mouth open, otherwise I’m told it hurts!!) and no headache.

Today (Sunday) it finally stopped being gale force winds and I felt well enough to go for a walk on the beach. I didn't feel as tired afterwards so I think I am finally heading back to normal - though I've discovered the ear / cut does not like getting cold (!)

However I have had a very very relaxed week. Not been anywhere, not done anything, just napped, read books, watched CSI and been lazy. I am surprised how tired I get when I do anything and how much it has taken out of me. I think in my head I thought I would be back to normal much much quicker than this!

In terms of the implant – the cut has healed very well – hardly noticeable now. It is tucked very close to the ear which is nice as its out the way. It is itchy and the skin around it feels  odd – like its not mine or something – a bit numb.

After surgery what I was not prepared for was the bruising on my jaw. It was both sides, but mainly on the implant side. I had a massive bruise and it was sore to touch and to open my mouth wide / chew. That has pretty much gone now (day 10).

My ear was a bit numb and bruised, the bruising and tenderness has eased off but it is still hard. The other ear I can bend the top down and its soft and flexible. The implant side the top is hard and much more rigid.

My tastebuds were affected a bit – nothing too major, but sweet things taste odd and my cuppa is slightly not right – but nothing too major.

The most fascinating bit is the bump on my head where the implant is – its huge!! I didn't think it would be noticeable from the outside but it is! Some of that may be swelling I would think, so maybe it will get smaller.

I didn't have much dizziness but more a feeling of being light headed or off balance, and a feeling of pressure if I bent down. I'm careful when I get up or turn corners and am paranoid about banging my head!

The main problem is not being able to sleep on the implant side. I can’t sleep on my front or back, so I am getting a sore ear / hip / shoulder from sleeping in the same position, but I'm finally managing to sleep a bit better as I get used to it.

I didn't wash my hair after 48 hours – I wasn't that brave! I finally did it on day 6 and it was fine – and felt a lot better for being clean!!

So – what now? Well I have two weeks left till I leave for activation – yay! I’ll be back at work for those two, though if I get tired I might work at home. I've been busy searching for therapy resources to help. I've downloaded audiobooks for two paperbooks I've been saving to listen to whilst reading, I've got some word sheets and some listening apps. I’ll try and do a list to go on here when I get time and add to it with any that are useful.

I've been learning to listen with just my bad ear (which actually is not that much worse than my good I have discovered!) and keeping up with my various CI groups / forums  / email lists. I have a couple of wonderful AB mentors – Michele who has been fab, and Colin who was also implanted at my centre. I know another couple of people on facebook implanted in my centre, and Nicola in Orkney who was done there 3 years ago. And then there are my friends from school in varying stages of CI journey so I am blessed with lots of people for support.

Now its just a case of waiting until switch on – and I’ll try not to leave it so long to update you after that!!

I've decided I will publish this on a blog. Its good for me writing it, and I know how much I hunted for and devoured every CI  blog I could get. They all helped me tremendously and I’d like the chance to “pay it forward” and hope that I can help someone else.

Operation ....

16^th November.

Well. I guess I have a lot of updating to do LOL! Not sure what happened – life and craziness! Not long after the last entry I went to do my first ever powerlifting competition! I almost pulled out a few times as I was nervous about going somewhere with lots of unfamiliar people etc, but went cos I got to stay with my best buddy from school. We had very similar hearing levels at school and through life until she had some problems with her ears which meant she couldn't wear her hearing aids anymore.

She had an implant 2 years ago and is doing fantastically. She was lucky and had a rockstar activation. At the event she was interpreting for me – including a woman speaking into a microphone at the front of the room!! What a turn around and it certainly gives me hope for when I have mine switched on. I have another friend from school who had similar hearing levels. She is having her operation on the 20^th November, so we will be running parallel to some extent. She is also have AB so it will be nice to compare notes.

Anyway, I have had the operation!! We left here on Saturday and got a ferry to town for the night in order to be able to catch the 4pm flight to Edinburgh on Sunday. We arrived at our “posh hotel in Edinburgh on Sunday and had a quick swim and sauna and then went for dinner in the Indian restaurant we had been to when we stayed for my graduation J Had a lovely dinner and I ate so much all we could do was go back to the hotel and sleep !! Monday we spent the day wandering around Edinburgh. I wanted to go to a Vodafone store and get a cheap phone and a suresignal. We have no mobile signal at home on any network and I wanted to take the chance to be able to get text messages sorted. We had lunch at a chineese buffet which was nice but a little tricky as nothing was labelled so it was hard (i.e impossible!) to know what was vegetarian and what was something you would not want to eat in a month of Sundays!

We then headed out to the ocean terminal as hubby was taking the opportunity to get some glasses from vision express so I had some tea and cake while I waited. Back to the hotel and another swim and sauna (I could so do with one of those at home!) and then we wandered back out and stopped at a Greek restaurant for a yummy 5 meze platter for tea.

Tuesday we set off for Kilmarnock on the train, arriving around 12. I was due to book onto the ward at 1.30 for pre-op so we went to the accommodation and waited for a bit, then to the canteen for a dubious sandwich and then finally to the ward.

When we got there they said to come back at 3(!) so we went back to the house to wait again! At 3 we went back to the ward and they did pre-op – a very long questionnaire, blood pressure, pulse, temperature, weight and fitted for compression stockings.

I then had to go down to the cochlear implant centre where they went through a load of information leaflets for me to take away and read and did another hearing test! Despite my last one being only 2 months ago – I still kept thinking they might say “oh no, we made a mistake, no implant for you” but they didn't!! After that back to the ward to wait for the surgeon to come. He arrived and looked in my ear, drew a big arrow on the left side pointing to the ear and ran through any questions and got me to sign consent form. He told me I could wash hair after 48 hours and could start powerlifting again as soon as I felt up to it.

I’d arranged to stay in the cochlear implant house that night, so we stopped at the canteen for some chips and got some snacks for later. I was to be nil by mouth from midnight and I was the only patient for Mr Wardrop so in theatre for 9.30 a..m J

So we spent the night waiting again – we had taken some dvd's to watch so that helped pass the time. Bed around 10.30.

The next morning I had to be on the day surgery ward for 8am so I got up at 7.15 to have the shower I was supposed to have and wash my hair and then we walked over.

They were very good on the day surgery, put me in a teenager’s room so Stephen could be with me up until the time I went through, and he helped make sure I understood everything. They asked another load of question – including did I have dentures(!) and so did the anaesthetist. Finally at 9.15 it as time to go through!! I was in the lovely stockings, a gown and a dressing gown. Thankfully because I had cotton knickers rather than nylon I was allowed to keep my own instead of paper ones! I had been the toilet literally 20+ times in the 70 mins I was there – I was petrified I would need the toilet in the operation and wet myself!!

Anyway I said goodbye and we walked to the prep room off the theatre. There I took off the dressing gown, they undid the back of the gown and I got onto the comfiest bed ever! They put a blanket over me, stuck some things on for the heart monitor and the anaesthetist put the cannula in. He said “you will be asleep in 60 seconds” and injected two syringes and the next thing I knew I was on the day surgery ward!

I have a vague memory of being part awake and having my blood pressure taken and falling asleep again, but its not very clear. Stephen arrived which is what woke me up, and I was surprised to be feeling a bit more alert. I asked for the time and it was 2pm!!! I later found out the operation took around 2 hours so I had obviously been on the ward for a while but they hadn't told Stephen. It must have been an awful wait for him not knowing what was going on. He came to day surgery at 12 and someone told him I had gone to the ward, so he went all the way up the 5^th floor and they sent him back down again. There was no room on the ward so I was to be kept in day surgery overnight.

I sat up a bit, had some tea and toast and made it to the toilet and didn't feel too bad. My head felt like someone was squeezing it with tongs to lift me up, with it digging in the left side more. I had some painkillers and decided I would just keep taking them – no point being  hero! I'm a wimp with pain anyway – especially headaches!

Normally there are no visitors on the ward until 7.30 at visiting hours, they were going to ask Stephen to leave, but the ward manager (who was fantastic!) let him stay with curtains pulled across as she knew I needed him to understand what was happening. He stayed until 5 and then I sent him to have a rest and some food so I could sleep. I fell asleep easily – I kept dropping off the whole time I was in there – the anaesthetic I think. I got woke up at 6.30 to have blood pressure etc and ask what I wanted for dinner. The surgeon arrived and said it went well. He had explained before that I would be the first one he had done with the mid scala electrode, so he had arranged for someone from AB to come up for the operation to oversee. He said it went well (bar a slight problem with the insertion tool, but that was fine as they used a new one) and they got full insertion and the test showed all was working fine.  I enquired about the possibility of being discharged to the CI house overnight and he was OK with it but the ward manager was not happy because it was a long walk in the cold up a hill. She arranged for me to be moved to a side ward that was normally used for children and a reclining chair put next to the bed so Stephen could stay with me – they really were fab J

Dinner choice was mackerel salad, beef stew or macaroni cheese. As a vegetarian that has only recently started eating dairy again the mackerel salad was the only real option but I couldn't eat it when it arrived. I asked for tea and toast instead and was more than happy with that,

I had another nap and Ste woke me at 7.30. I was very pleased with how well I could lip read him with no aids – it was pretty much the same as with aids – shows how much I used the lip reading I guess!  Around 9 they moved us to the side ward and we chatted until 11 when I had more tea and toast and then the light was turned off.

I didn't sleep too well – woke every hour. The cannula gave me the most problems as the painkillers kept the head under control but the cannula meant my wrist had to be kept straight, and as it was the opposite side to the implant I was limited on both sides!

I had more painkillers through the night and was woken at 6.30 to have a wash and get dressed. She then gave me more pills and removed the bandage. I got a blurry picture snapped and she gave it a little clean. I was surprised it was being left open, not covered. I then had more tea and toast and then at 9 I went to x-ray and then we were discharged J

Got a taxi to the airport (£80 but much better than taxi / train / bus – no way could I have managed that).